my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
