And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
