i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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