I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
