When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
