i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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