Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
