there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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