It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
