We won't sleep together?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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