covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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