There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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