I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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