this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
