I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize