I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
