if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The maid of honor just puked.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
