Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My penis needs a shock collar
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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