you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
