Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize