I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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