the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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