So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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