If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
