Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Randomize
