i permit you to call me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
