where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize