there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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