those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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