the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
