HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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