would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
