Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
