I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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