no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
