Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
