i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
