So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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