dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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