We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
