We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
