she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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