i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
