I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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