think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
