i permit you to call me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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