I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
