Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
