ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
