I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
