So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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