either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
