..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
