How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
