i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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