i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
