just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
