If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
