I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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