he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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