All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There's always time for handjobs
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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