Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
