I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
