Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
