Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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