a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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