he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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