TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
