Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
