i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
