cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
