Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
