Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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