I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
