there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
