Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
