You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
