My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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