I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
